I picked up the local rag this morning and was greeted by a headline telling of the new casino coming to our little mountain town soon. Boy, that's great news! It's just what the doctor ordered. For you see, we aren't really all that broke, I'm figuring, we just don't have enough casinos. Talk about a great solution for the down-and-out.
If you're out of work and short on cash, why not take a gamble and make your much needed income the good old-fashioned way: Earn it by utilizing your skills at cards and slot machines. Why, the Stock Market's nothing more than a highfalutin' casino itself. Yeah, we all took a big hit when $5 trillion dollars worth of our 401k's took an unfortunate dive into the monetary abyss, but hey, financial stuff happens.
But, with more casinos right nearby, we can make it all back. Well, at least most of it. So, the problem isn't that we don't have enough money, we just don't have enough opportunities to make money.
The government gambles everyday with our taxes, bailing out every Larry, Moe and Curly Joe bank, insurance company and car maker out there. We just need to take a page outa' their book. If they do business through gambling, hey, so can we. We must demand our rights to casinos on every corner. The more, the merrier. The more, the better odds we have to strike it rich.
The lottery just won't cut it anymore. You have to wait to see if you've won. We need and demand instant gambling gratification right on the spot. Plus, the lottery has astronomically high odds, whereas casino gambling gives you little or no chance of winning. I'll take those odds, thank you very much.
I'm sure there's a way to interpret The Constitution so that gambling at casinos fits right in there with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness somehow or other. Yes, I like the sound a' that: "It's our Constitutional right to gamble at the casino of our choosing, in our own neighborhoods."
"Casinoize" America, and you'll have a country full of hopeful card players and one-arm-bandit-pullers who just might be able to gamble themselves out of this Great Recession.
Now, all we need is a way, say like through a sympathetic lobbyist and a legislator or two, to make our losses tax deductible. I like the sound a' that, too. Where there's a will, there's a win.
If you're out of work and short on cash, why not take a gamble and make your much needed income the good old-fashioned way: Earn it by utilizing your skills at cards and slot machines. Why, the Stock Market's nothing more than a highfalutin' casino itself. Yeah, we all took a big hit when $5 trillion dollars worth of our 401k's took an unfortunate dive into the monetary abyss, but hey, financial stuff happens.
But, with more casinos right nearby, we can make it all back. Well, at least most of it. So, the problem isn't that we don't have enough money, we just don't have enough opportunities to make money.
The government gambles everyday with our taxes, bailing out every Larry, Moe and Curly Joe bank, insurance company and car maker out there. We just need to take a page outa' their book. If they do business through gambling, hey, so can we. We must demand our rights to casinos on every corner. The more, the merrier. The more, the better odds we have to strike it rich.
The lottery just won't cut it anymore. You have to wait to see if you've won. We need and demand instant gambling gratification right on the spot. Plus, the lottery has astronomically high odds, whereas casino gambling gives you little or no chance of winning. I'll take those odds, thank you very much.
I'm sure there's a way to interpret The Constitution so that gambling at casinos fits right in there with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness somehow or other. Yes, I like the sound a' that: "It's our Constitutional right to gamble at the casino of our choosing, in our own neighborhoods."
"Casinoize" America, and you'll have a country full of hopeful card players and one-arm-bandit-pullers who just might be able to gamble themselves out of this Great Recession.
Now, all we need is a way, say like through a sympathetic lobbyist and a legislator or two, to make our losses tax deductible. I like the sound a' that, too. Where there's a will, there's a win.
